good life.

I'm lucky. I dont really have any problems right now, no reason to be anything but happy. I'm living the simple life, the only way i want it. But i need someone to bring more excitement in my life. Will you be that person?

"Life comes at you fast, so enjoy what you've got and keep what you have."

<3;
Gizelle

ups&downs

So for the past couple of nights, i've had really bad nightmares. Like two of the worst ones i've had my whole life. I woke up sobbing both times. It's not fun loosing people, yaknow? I've seriously been thinking really hard about life after high school. What the heck am I gonna do? Only two people know what i wanna do, as a hobby at the moment, or maybe as a life long career, but who knows what's gonna happen. I'm just stuck right now. I need more opportunities! I need to meet new people, so help me! So for now, we'll put this on pause. It's not like i'll give up on it, my heart and mind has been wanting it my whole life.

Anywaaaays, today was nice. The weather was cold, my favorite. I was on the phone with someone, who just happens to be the sweetest person EVER. & who happens to be able to SING too, my favorite ! We'll see what happens. hahaha.

I'm planning on saving up money for a new ipod. So if we go out somewhere, remind me not to buy anything unless it's really necessary. & i wanna buy a whole bunch of other stuff too, I think it's time to get a job. BUUUUUT, im too young, unless your family owns a business or something, and you wanna help me out ;D.

Well, i think i'm gonna go catch up on homework. My grades are slipping again. 34 more days of school left.

Oh life.

<3;

Gizelle

lonely

My parents left to the casino today. My mom was offered a chance to compete in a blackjack tournament, so they might as well go. But it sucks cus i'm stuck at home either by myself or with my brother. & to make it even worse, im not allowed to go out. WTFREAK! Anyways, the weather was nice today:]. Seriously though, it was like burning on monday, and tomorrow its going to be like 65. OHkaaaay.

So i made a twitter today, FOLLOW ME!

twitter.com/gizelleramos

Before my parents left, my mom gave me her credit card. She said i could buy stuff online:] yayy. First thing im gonna buy: a CAPO. I've been needing one since forever! & i wanna take guitar lessons this summer. Someone take them with me? THIS SUMMER, i'm determined to work hard this time. Gonna stick with what i wanna do. I'm pretty excited for everything! If i'm given a chance, i'm gonna take it. I'm not gonna make the same mistake as i did last time.

I realized how DIFFERENT things are now. I know at first i was all depressed about it, but its just whatevers now. It just wasnt supposed to happen i guess. But oh well, maybe in exchange for a bad thing, i get a good thing! Something i've wanted all my life but never admitted it. No one knows what i'm talking about, cus i dont like saying it.

<3;

Gizelle

short&simple

I'm just gonna write a quick blog before i sleep. So today, the weather didnt piss me off as much as yesterday, so improvement. The end of lunch was pretty good, if yaknow what i mean ;]. Didn't go to first period cus i was too tired to get up this morning, but now i have to make up work. Stuck to my new routine, except for be in bed by 10 thing, only cus my brother's friend came over and they were super loud and annyoing. Walked my dog around the block for 45 minutes. She got lazy so i had to carry her halfway through. My parents are leaving tomorrow for two days, and the lightbulb in my room went out. I seriously hope they fix it before they leave or else i'm not sleeping in there. If you didnt know, i'm horribly afraid of the dark. Well dont really know what else to talk about, cus im just rushing this, soooo... GOODNIGHT AND GOODBYE! :D

<3;
Gizelle

hot hot heat

Did i mention how much i hate the heat? Well, now you know. But today was alright, excluding the weather. We started testing today, ehhh. Its gonna be a LONG weeeeeek. Lidia told me to make a twitter, but im too lazy right now, hahah, sorry.

So aaaanyways, Gene and I wrote a song today, it actually sounded pretty good :]. We're planning on doing more.

Yeah so like i said before, I decided that I have some major changing to do. Its really weird how one person you dont even really know can make such a big impact on you. Oh well, i guess it's a good thing. & now i know what i wanna do in life, or at least for now. I'm not gonna make it my whole life, but just a hobby, and if it does take me somewhere, then hooray! But i'm gonna need a lot of support and encouragment, & i have people that i know will be there. So wish me luck!

I think i needa start changing my routine on schooldays.

This is what im gonna do now:

-do homework once i get home

-be more active [helping around the house, exercise, etc.]

-computer/guitar

-be in bed by 10

This is cus I feel like im on the computer too much when i can be doing something more productive. & plus, i need more sleep, my skin and mood are suffering cus of it.

<3;

Gizelle

frustrating

So i completely just messed up my blogspot, so i just had to delete the last two blogs -_-, failure.

April 19, 2009:
Watched youtube all day, mostly Albert Posis songs and covers. He's such a cutie! :]. I finally realized what i wanted to do with my life. I know its gonna take a lot of work, but i hope it'll all be worth it.

April 20, 2009:
I decided that I'm gonna do a lot of changing this year. I'm gonna start look at things more positive, and I'm gonna start working harder in everything i do.

Short post cus i've tried to fix my blog for about an hour and a half, and i ended up deleting blogs. Not in the mood to type up everything right now, so i'll explain in later blogs.

<3;
Gizelle

wedding day

Today was my cousin's wedding and i am so worn out! Got about 2 and a half hours of sleep and i had to wake up right away at 5 cus my aunt called they thaid they were gonna be at my house within 10 minutes. You know how hard it is to get ready when you're still half asleep? well yeah. So then we go to my cousin's house where they're doing hair and makeup and stuff. It took the guy 45 minutes to do my hair cus my hair's really thick. Then got makeup done. I hate makeup! We got airbrushed and stuff though, it tickled! But really, there's only so much makeup a face can handle! We were running pretty late, like it was already 9 and the bride hadn't gotten anything done yet, especially cus the wedding was at 10, plus time driving there. So we go to the church and all the bridesmaids and flower girls stay in the room waiting for her. Then she comes and then we start. I had the hardest time putting on the chord, trust me. So embarrassing! & my cousins said that my partner looked like AJ Rafael...? Yeah, i didnt think so. Then we go to the reception, and by then i can't even walk cus i'm not used to walking in heels. We took about a bajillion pictures -_-. I'm too lazy to write anymore, and i'm about to fall asleep any second, soooo... i'm gonna go now. BUHBYYEEE!

Took lots of pictures, but I'm not going to post any on here. hehehe.

<3;
Gizelle

reminiscing

I remember when I'd spend most of my day outside under the big tree with my grandparents. I remember spending hours in the shed outside looking through old stuff. I remember going through my grandma's old clothes playing dress up. I remember being the youngest one in the house, so i got the most attention. I remember sitting next to my grandma while she was sewing dresses for me. I remember listening to her whistle while she sewed. I remember when i didn't have a computer, but it didnt matter anyways cus i was always outside. I remember the flower printed wallpaper in my old room. I remember when the weather was always perfect. I remember when my cousins would come over and all that matter was playing. I remember when my mom and I used to spend a long time putting pictures in the album. I remember being busy, being in things afterschool. I remember when my brother was nice. I remember when I'd write stories everyday. I remember when I'd be outside, and just start singing a song i made up. I remember when my grandma would sing me to sleep when my mom was at work. I remember when my grandpa would walk me to school every morning, and when i'd want to try to walk alone, he'd watch me until i got to school to make sure i was safe. I remember when i used to be one of the people with the best grades. I remember going on the monkey bars and getting blisters. I remember when you just wore whatever you wanted and no one would care. I remember my swing in the backyard. I remember using the drivethru car washes. I remember walking to Winchell's every Saturday morning with my grandparents. I remember eating pan de sal with coffee a lot at night, maybe that's why I'm so short. I remember wanting to clean and wash dishes to make my parents happy. i remember those small pools that I'd spend most of a summer's day in. I remember getting a really bad tan afterwards. I remember the red carpet throughout the house. I remember when Malagant was young and had long ears. I remember the mirror in the hallway. I remember the waterbed my uncle had, and when he visited the Philippines, we would all hang out in his room. I remember when the grass was always green, and the roses were always colorful. I remember when the bills weren't so hard to pay. I remember coming home from school and watching ZOOM on PBS. I remember when I would draw 24/7. I remember when i'd play with the magnets on the refrigerator while my mom cooked. I remember those days when they were sellling ice cream at school, and everyone would buy one for 30cents. I remember taking walks around the neighborhood. I remember not wanting anything to change. But man, how things have changed. I wish things would just go back to being so simple. I miss everything. Life now sucks.

<3;
Gizelle

nightmare

I had the most horrific dream last night. I woke up crying. Who knew that one little person could mean so much to me. It sucks. I can't stop thinking about it. What if this never happened? Would i take our friendship for granted? Cus right now, I'm wishing that it was still here. But sometimes i think that I'm just wasted my time talking to you. I felt like i was just a rebound friend, that you go to me when you had no one else. & then there were times when you'd do stuff to make me feel like I am special [as corny as that sounds]. So i dont know. Pick one, you're messing with my head. Maybe one day, things will go back to normal like how they used to be. & everything we talked about will actually happen. But for now, i gotta just forget about everything, cus the way things look right now, we dont have a future. [btw, if you think i'm talking about one person throughout my blogs, im not.]

Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I think I'm at the edge of a cliff and the only way off is to jump. I swear I can smell the sweet ocean, feel the burst of air tussling my hair, feel the grass and dirt blowing beneath my bare feet, hear the waves crashing on the rocks below and I hope that when I jump, I'll hit them straight on and everything will end without an ounce of pain. And I know that on the way down, I'll still feel that breeze, still smell the sweet ocean, and I'll be perfectly content and exactly where I always imagined I'd be. And for three seconds of my life, nothing will matter except the fact i actually decided to jump.



<3;
Gizelle

holy crap face.

So, I just found something out, and im prettttty pissed. Text me if you're down to hang out with me on Thursday. Freaking asdfjkl;. -_-. ahhh!
AAANYYYWAAAAYS, today i realized how less stressful life is since i stopped talking to "it". "It" has been such a burden to have, and after we stopped talking, it's like a weight lifted off my shoulders. It's kinda nice.
I'm still really pissed right now cus of that thing i just found out! UGH, how could you do that to me AGAIN? Am I just not important anymore? Whatever duude, ill find a replacement, a much better one than you ever were. So if one day you realize that i stopped talking/hanging out with you, you'll know exactly why. SCREW YOU BIZNATCH.
& seriously, find your own fxcking friends, no one likes you, so GO THE HELL AWAY.

Goodnight to everyone else :]

<3;
Gizelle

quick

This has been the longest i've gone without blogging. But like, there's no point in blogging when there's nothing going on. The past couple of days have been kinda boring. Just a lot of family time. My cousin's wedding is on Saturday. That was really fast, i remember when we just got the invitation like two months ago. Well whatevers. I really have nothing to say. I'm just really tired, and i think im starting to get sick. That's not very good.

I'm too lazy to put up a picture today.

<3;
Gizelle

rawr

Today was pretty good. I liked the weather :]. Fifth and lunch were pretty fun too! If yaknow what I mean ;D. Spring break! woohoo! but then testing, rawrrr. Let's enjoy this week then, yes? LALALALA. I'm so bored. I dont really have anything to sayy. Give me ideas to type :D... but for now, i'm gonna go.

Today was a good day, need more like these.


LOLOLOLOL! insiderrrrr

<3;
Gizelle

...speechless

I dont know what to say. Seeing you like that makes me all asdfjkl;. & then it makes me realize that you might actually care. But you know me, it's hard for me to confront people. So hopefully you're reading this, so i have less explaining to do tomorrow. I have so much to say, but i just cant find the right words. So thanks for being such a great kuya, even after i've been such a brat. I dont ask for you to be perfect, just the fact that you care is all that matters. I wanna shoot myself for being so beetchy. and thanks for the balloons.





<3;
Gizelle

vent

I'm so sick of people thinking they can just joke around with me about something serious. It's like they think i have no emotions, or really that they dont care about my emotions. I mean go ahead and joke around, but when im serious about something, you dont pull that crap on me. I dont care if you do it or not, just the fact that you even brought up the idea and taunt me with it makes me pissed. Do you think its funny to piss me off SO much? Do you think its funny to make me really pissed, so pissed that i'm about to burst out in tears? Its not easy to make me do that, so the fact that someone im SOO close to would bring me even close to doing so makes me rethink even being friends. You think im joking around? Really, when i say something, i mean it, and if it comes down to hurting someone, physically or emotionally, i will. Seriously guys, when i say i HATE someone, i really do HATE them.

I've been so tolerant lately, and its seriously time that i stop being so nice. I've been told im too nice, and that im gonna get hurt one day. I finally understand what they mean. So im done taking crap from everyone. The next time you pull this stupid crap on me, its over. I dont care how many people hate me afterwards. I'm here to protect myself, not anyone else.

hehe ;D YOU KNOW IT!

thats basically all i do in class

<3;

Gizelle

realization

I'm starting to learn to not take things for granted. Sure, i'd like perfect friends, who won't screw you over, and a perfect family, who'll do anything and everything to make sure you're doing okay. But hey, I dont live in a fantasy world, and everything has its flaws. The best you can do is accept it and move on, no matter how tough that is. You just gotta take what you've got and work with it. You can't keep wasting your time living in the past, or else you won't have room for the future, no matter how much it scares me. Life is gonna throw crap at you, no doubt about it and no way to stop it, but constant complaining and regret won't get you anywhere. Let's all just be carefree, yes?

random thought:
-what am i gonna do for popshow/sing-a-thon? [suggestions!]


^ the scary thing is that this didnt seem that long ago

<3;
Gizelle

hello monday

Today was... boring? I dont know a better word to describe it. Mondays suck! But it was latestart today, so i didnt have to get up as early. I went to school at like 8:15 cus i needed to print out my project, otherwise i wouldve stayed home until like 8:30. But its alright, dont have that to worry about anymore. Spring break is next week. Let's go out and do stuff! I dont wanna be stuck at home all week -_-. Lets spend TIME, not MONEY. hehehe :]. My eye has been bugging me all day. My left eye is really itchy and like, iono, after i blink, it gets fuzzy D:. I've never had a problem with my eyes before. Hopefully its just temporary. It was really hot today. Summer's coming fast, yuck. I mean i love the break from school, but i hate the heat.

I never really noticed how mean i am when im tired. So if I've been cranky lately, SORRY. I get kinda snappy.

AAANNYWWAAAAYS, have i ever mentioned how annoying freshmen are? Ugh. & i was talking to other upperclassmen and i asked them if we were ever that annoying when we were freshmen, and they were like HECK NO. Sheesh, i mean some are bearable, but others, i feel like punching! & i know for a fact that i'm not the only one who thinks that way. I'm not saying that im perfect, but seriously, cant you tell when nobody likes you because of how you act? FORREALS DUUDE! ARRGGG. whatevers

hahah i guess im done for now. lol.




^say hello to daddy and big sister!

<3;
Gizelle

positiv-er

These last two days have actually better than i thought they were going to be. On Friday, I didnt go to class cus we went to Fullerton College for competition. BUMMER that they didnt place cus the other groups were ehh. Me and Hannah decided to add more to our handshake, the one that was made 3 years ago :]. I was planning on going home afterwards so i can start on my project, but i ended up going to TJ and Kristin's house. We watched Amusement, freaking scary crappp. They thought it would be fun to scare me with TJ's clown mask. Crap duuude, my heart was poundingggggg. Then showed EJ, Mervin, and Derek videos. Freaking HILARIOUS reactions xD. I went home around 11 and fell asleep around 1am.

Then today, I woke up at 5am to take a shower. I was literally shivering when i got up cus it was COLD. Then went to 7-11 to get a drink and saw Ana and Louis. Got to school around 6:20ish. I was trying to nap, but they kept playing with the clown mask -_-. Then we started loading the bus and stuff. Left and they were on first. we went to go get snacks and then wne to go watch the show for a bit. The yeah. Xtreme and Burbank boys are ;D. hehehe. Yeah so, im tired now. I only got like 4 hours of sleep, and i fell asleep on the ride back. Now im at home, and yeah. bored as usual.

LIDIA DELEON is my BFFIC :D

We took pictures, but i dont have them yet. I'll post them up eventually.

<3;
Gizelle

plans

Oh stress. School sucks. I've been failing everything. So this weekend's gonna be pretty busy. Infusion and Vocal Tap have a competition tomorrow, ALL FREAKING DAY. & guess who's going. But honestly, i dont wanna. Usually im excited and stuff, but its just like, bleh. I dont wanna make up all the work and stuff, im doing bad as it is. Then Saturday, Infusion has another competition. Going again, but no Cassie this time! Do you think i can do it? I really hope so. I dont know how long this one's gonna be. Depending on what time i get home, i'm gonna finally start on the stupid Night sketchbook journal thing. It's due tomorrow, but since im not gonna be there tomorrow, i get an extra weekend to work on it. & then on Sunday, gotta do the dress stuff again, then go home and finish the project. This weekend is gonna suck. Whateverwhatever.

Yeah so i had a really deep talk with one of my really good friends yesterday. He definately made me feel so much better. IDK. Things are still a little iffy, but it's getting better. Right now, i can't wait for sophomore year to be over. I dont care if it leads me closer to graduation, this year sucks. One of the worsts, if not THEE worst.

Oh, and btw, dont ever tell me what's right or wrong. I think im old enough to make my own decisions, and if they're wrong, then it's my fault. I dont need someone watching my back all the time, especially a stupid freshman.



^ If only making wishes were that easy.


<3;
Gizelle

ahh.

You LIE. You dont really care about what's going on with me. You only say that kinda stuff cus you think you have to. Who knew YOU out of all people would be like this to me? I thought we were good friends. Appearantly not, since you seem to never give a crap about me. You only care when I'm not treating you the same. & why am I not treating you the same? Cus you changed. Forget about me saying I changed, cus no one else thinks so. I remember when we'd have so much to talk about, when we'd stay up until 3am and never run out of things to say. Now we can barely keep a conversation going. idk. When did this all start going downhill? UGH. & appearantly im THAT easy to replace. So im happy for you. If you're happier without me, then alright. But i will never regret spending all that time with you.
So what am i gonna do without you? I think i can manage, we'll see.

NOTE TO SELF: Dont believe things if they sound too good to be true.

*btw, happy birthday brother.


^ I'm rereading them for the third time. Never fails to cheer me up.

<3;
Gizelle