hmm.

I think today was good. Until the end anyways. There was a good 5 seconds today where i was COMPLETELY happy, where during that time, NOTHING would've made me anything but happy. I had butterflies in my stomach and everything was going just perfectly. I think after that, anything that was going to happen would never top those 5 seconds. Maybe cus i was expecting more, but i got nothing. Oh well, maybe it'll happen again, one day...

Umm, i really dont know what to talk about today.

hello DECEMBER!

So it's officially December. & for the first time in my life, i'm not excited. I'm leaving in 9 days... no bueno, no bueno at all. I wish i was old enough to stay home alone for a month, or that my parents would trust me to anyways. I hate that they still treat me like a 5 year old. Freaking overprotective parents.

Anyways, overall, today was a good day. Today everything was settled, and i got a little more cozy. I've never felt like this before, but i guess its a good thing. I wish i was a bit more sure about a lot of situations though. But for now, i'm all good. Besides the stress of Holiday Follies and school work, i think i'm actually stable for once. Thanks for being my crutch. Thanks for helping me be able to walk on my own again. I feel as though you're the thing i've been missing in my whole 16 years of life. I know everything isn't perfect, but for now, its just right.

Then again, i wish you weren't so unsure of me. But I guess its something that'll grow overtime... i hope.

dear life,

why must you be so difficult all the time?

So today ends the first day of choir "hell week". I was so sleepy today. Anyways, today was like every other day. Every monday i have the same attitude. At school, im happy. During practice, im happy. But once i get home and have time to reflect on my day, everything seems to go bad. I think i'm letting the smallest things get to me. FYI, i hate being alone. I always have to be talking to someone, or else i start getting sad or moody. I dont know, maybe i'm crazy. & i'm sorry if i'm driving you away. I really wish i found someone who'd put up with me. Maybe i just need to change. & if you know me well enough, you'd know that i HATE change, for the most part anyways. Hmm. People are always like "Gizelle, i miss the way you were before." Have i really changed that much? What happened to make me turn into the way i am? Maybe its just a stage, i'm growing up, and i hate the pressures that come with it. Maybe one day i'll really stop caring. Maybe one day i'll figure out what's most important. Maybe one day i'll learn to move on.

P.S. You make me want to become a better person.

not again.

i cant think straight today. i've only thought about the same two things today, and i hate it. i really wish things would just settle down already. i wish i knew what i did wrong, but i know you'll never tell me. i'm really sorry for whatever i did, and i hate not talking to you for this long. my eyes wont stop tearing up... i really do care, i promise i do, but things get in the way. and i know you'd know how that is, since you put a lot of things before me anyways. i really wish i knew how to make things better, cus i really cant afford to loose another person like you. i need you, i hate admitting it, but i do. you have no idea how much you keep me sane. just tell me if you dont want me anymore, so i dont have to keep worrying about you.

:]

& i hope you realize that i'll always be the girl you can run to with anything. Nothing's ever gonna change about that.

missing in action

So i havent blogged in foreverevereverever. Started choir camp yesterday. You'd think it would be easy, buuuut heck no. I'll probably be sore for a week, and my feet hurt a lot. But i mean, i love it. I wouldnt choose to do anything else. I suck at dancing though, but im hoping to do some major improving by the end of this year. & there are some really awesome people in there. Like way awesomer than last year -_-. SCREW SOPHOMORE YEAR.

I got my schedule today. I start first period again. AHHH, i was hoping for second. I wake up tooo laaaate, lame. I need to get good grades next year. Umm, i really dont have much to say, just that i'm super sore, and i can barely walk. My calves are killing me, and we still have one more day of Infusion choir camp. Then i get four days off, then Charisma choir camp. I'm not gonna complain, cus i love it. I'd rather be doing this than anything else.

Orange County Fair :]

<3;

Gizelle

fairytales

Wow, so i realized that i've only blogged like 3 times in the month of June. I've been so lazy, and doing other stuffs. So yeahhhh. My life is boring anyways, its not like i have anything important to say really.

So its about time a give up. I mean sure, it was fun while it lasted, but im in the stages of sadness, and its not really a great feeling. So i should just drop it and move on, move onto something more realistic. & HEY, if anything happens after everything's said and done, and i get what i've been wanting for the longest time, then why not go for it, yaknow? But for now, i'm done dreaming. Reality has finally hit me.
I wish life was a fairy tale, where your fairy god mother goes "Bippity Boppity Boo" and you get what you want. I wish i had a fairy tale life, but i dont. I live in the real world, and you're not gonna get your prince charming with a wave of a wand. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have some self improvement to do, A LOT of it. I need to learn to stop being a naive little girl, who believes everything, and who's stupid enough to let other people's decision affect mine.

<3;
Gizelle

heavy heart

It always seems like the more you want something, the harder it is to get. Its almost like a tease, and sometimes you get it, and some times you dont. But the chances that i usually get what i want is REALLY low. I mean sure, life's okay at the moment, but theres always gonna be room for improvement.
& i guess i've been SO focused on one thing, that i forgot the rest of my surroundings. I've been so concerned about something so UNIMPORTANT and it turned IMPORTANT. I guess it shows that it does really mean a lot to me, although its silly. But whatever, in my dreams right ? *sigh. LESSON LEARNED TODAY: dont become too attatched.


OhSkyler.

<3;
Gizelle

the beginning

SUMMER HAS BEGUN ! Time to make most of everything. So this Sunday is father's day, but there's a concert that day too. I mean i feel bad for leaving my dad, but i see him everyday, and its not everyday i can go to a concert. & plus, we still need to get the ride situation set, so its still pretty iffy. I wish i could drive alreadyyy ! we'll see what happens.
Days have been pretty boring, cus i really dont have a ride anywhere (referring back to the paragraph above). im getting my gym membership tomorrow morning, hopefully. My mom said that if she gets me one, i have to go to the gym everyday, which is alright, just as long as someone goes with me. Thats where Bea comes in :].
So i've had Blackout 101 on repeat all daaaaaaay. It gets kinda addicting after a while. & it makes me wanna go on Sunday even more ! RAWR. & there's an extra reason why i wanna go so bad too, but everyone already knows ;D. & if you dont, then sucks for you.
I'm currently waiting for my brother to come home with my ice cream ! i've been craving it all weeeeek. gosh, all these cravings, i'm such a girl. haha.

Let's make a band ! DUUDE, i'm so downn. hahaha :D

Well, i'm bored now, gonna go talk to people on AIM.

<3;
Gizelle

dayum

I havent blogged in the longest time, but who reads these anyways? So many things have happened already, its hard to keep track.
My uncle died about 2 weeks ago? He's really going to be missed. I just cant believe hes gone, it doesnt seem that long ago when we'd all go to his house and swim. But thats what happens when you take time for granted, the things you love leave faster.
Concerts are freaking BOMB <3.
4 more days of school left, CHYESSS. Cant wait for summer, gotta do lots of self improvement. & i'm gonna learn what life is all about, if you know what i mean. Take advantage of what you're offered, cus you might never have that opportunity again.

I like adventures, take me on one this summer. SUMMER '09, here i come.

<3;
Gizelle

ps. i have a secret summer to do list, ill tell you when i complete each one.


Skyler Leon <3

I owe a lot to this girl :D

excitement

I want this year to end already ! I'm almost there, a couple more weeks. I'm excited next year, mostly for choir though. Finally, after 3 years, i get to go back to competing. Hopefully the people next year make choir more fun. I hate how i start getting close to people at the end of the year. Especially if they're seniors and are leaving. Horrible feeling to know that in a couple of weeks, they'll be gone. *sigh. You win some, you lose some right?
Banquet is tomorrow. Don't know what to wear yet. Hopefully my camera works, i wanna start posting pictures again.

FRIDAY ! Double date with my man and jackie and her man :D. I need an outift for that too. & then Sunday, seeing them AGAIN ! excittteeedddd ! i love... uhhh yeahh. hahah <3

<3;
Gizelle

popshow/ 4 years

OHMYYY. So many tears yesterday. Makes you realize who really means a lot to you and who doesnt. WOW.

This was supposed to be posted yesterday, but i couldnt get to a computer.:
So my grandma died 4 years ago yesterday. It hit my family really hard, and honestly it split us apart. She was the glue that held everyone together, and without her, everything was messed up. 4 years doesnt seem that long ago. It feels like just last week she was singing to me. & no one knows this, but she was the reason i love to sing. Everyday she would hum things or teach me words to a song, and we'd sing together. & it was pretty ironic how yesterday was popshow where i was singing. & i thank her for inspiring me. 4 years, wow. i still get teary eyed everytime i think about it, and i really havent gotten over it completely. I didnt cry during that month because i was in shock. I could never have thought that the person i was the closest to would leave me. But things happen and situations change, but all of it makes you stronger. In the last 4 years, i've become more independent and i've learned to show my emotions. I've broken out of my shell and i've become more open. All the lessons my grandma has taught me has really helped me a lot. When i was young, i took a lot of things for granted, because i always thought i was going to have everything that i wanted. But after she died, i realized that even the most important things to you will eventually go away. I hope i made her proud yesterday. I wish she was in the crowd cheering me on, but i know she was somewhere that had a better view.

<3;
Gizelle

day 4

EFF THIS BULLCRAP. I HATE YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU. I HATE CHOIR. OR AT LEAST A LOT OF THE PEOPLE IN IT. IT DOESNT EVEN SEEM WORTH IT ANYMORE. ENCHANTMENT SUCKS, AND ALL THE MOTIVATION ANYONE TRIES TO GIVE THEM GOES INTO ONE EAR AND OUT THE OTHER. LIKE SERIOUSLY, YOU PAID MONEY TO DO THIS CRAP, WHY NOT MAKE IT WORTH IT? I JUST WANNA DO ME AND HANNAH'S THING AND GO HOME, THIS IS PATHETIC. CAN THIS WEEK JUST BE OVER ALREADY. ALL THIS PRACTICE AND ALL THESE HOURS OF WORK ARE DEFINATELY SO NOT WORTH IT. I'M DONE. KEEP YOUR ATTITUDE TO YOURSELF, NO ONE ELSE WANTS OR NEEDS IT. IF YOU GET IN TROUBLE, JUST TAKE IT. YOU DON'T NEED TO RUIN EVERYBODY ELSE'S DAY. LEARN A LESSON AND TRY TO BE POSITIVE SOMETIMES. I REALLY DON'T NEED ALL THIS RIGHT NOW.

-Gizelle

day 3

This lack of sleep is really hurting my body and mood. My skin's been really bad lately, and everybody knows about my crankiness. Sleep is essential, I only start realizing that now. This week has gone by really fast. Maybe cus my whole life is only centered around choir this week. My mind set is choir and popshow. I'm just so nervous about messing up and embarrassing myself. & really, everyone needs to step up their game. Forget about all this stupid drama and stop being selfish. If you're gonna do bad cus you're in a bad mood, you affect the whole choir. & if you're not gonna be a team player, why are you in choir anyways? UGHH, people piss me off.
I really wish the show goes good. It'll prove to me that all this time i've worked is worth it. BLAHBLAHBLAH. My parents are going on Friday. I'm nervous cus they expect so much from me. Whatever, i'm doing the best i can, it's either they like it or not.

May 29 and 31 ! <3

<3;
Gizelle

day 2

OVER. One of the moodiest days i've had for a while now. Everything was alright until the end of fifth/beginning of lunch. UGH. Maybe its cus i havent gotten enough sleep lately. Whatever, i'm usually more tolerant, but lately i've been really cranky/moody. Sorry to put my crankiness on you, but if you set me off, you're done. So sorry if i snap at you over the next couple of days. Well actually i'm not sorry, cus if you bug me, it's your fault. I'm just having one of those "i hate the world" kinda days. But in a couple of days, i'll get over it, and i'll probably feel bad...maybe. Then next week, get to see my babybooooooo! 29th and 31st please :]. rawr.

I actually fell asleep kinda early last night, but my dog had to throw up on my bed in the middle of the night and i had to get up and clean everything. & when i wake up, it takes me forever to fall back asleep. I was originally supposed to get 7 hours of sleep, but instead i got 4. EFF THIIIIIS. Don't mind me, i'm moody. It will probably be better to stay away from me for the next few days.

okay, i'm done.

<3;
Gizelle

day 1

Day one of practice is over. I'm tired. I really dont like setting up the curtains, makes you all sweaty and dirtyyyy. Practice was alright, ran through the whole show, kinda confusing, but its fun. Come to popshow and help realize that i didnt give up so much work for nothing. And if you've never heard me sing before, here's your chance :]. I told myself i was gonna take pictures, but i kept forgetting. Oh wells, hopefully tomorrow.

I'm really tired, so i'm gonna go to bed. Don't text or call, i need sleep tonight. Adios !

<3;
Gizelle

smooth sailing

Biology presentation is OVER, no more stress. 21 more days of school left. Its gonna be smooth from here, except for finals week. My whole life next week is gonna be choir. Pop show practice monday-thursday, show friday and saturday. You should go :]. I need to go shopping soon.
Yeah so i have a cold right now, NOT SWINE FLU. Seriously, people need to CHIILLL. I like being sick cus my family is nice to me and they do whatever i ask. & if my brother is mean to me, all i have to do is threaten to cough on his stuff :]. THATS WHAT HE GETS!
Yeah so i'm bored now, and i'm gonna look online for things to wear for me and Hannah's thing.

<3;
Gizelle

LALALA

My throat is in PAIN. Like it hurts when i swallow and stuff, boohoo. & i sound like a man. Oh daaarn.
Days are too repetative. But schools almost over, so its all good. Next week will be kinda busy i guess. Practice and then popshow. Then banquet. Then graduation. This year went by in a blur. I can't believe its almost over, but then again, i'm happy that it is. So many mistakes were made this year, and i've learned from them, time to move on.
I have a Biology project i should be working on right now, so i'm gonna end it here. GOOOODBYE !

<3;
Gizelle

teenage years

I've never really noticed this before, but there are a good amount of decent looking guys at school. HAHA. Well kinda, maybe i should walk a different way to class now. :]. I'm lame, i know, but HEY, i'm a teenager.
Yeah soooo, i dont like mean people. If you're gonna be mean to someone, at least be mean to someone who actually did something to you. If you have no reason, then keep yo mouth SHUT. kaythanks. UGH, people are so sick of taking your crap, thats why she did that. I mean like seriously, you have no right to be such a jerk. whatever, EFF YOU.
Anyways, I was reading old conversations yesterday. OH MANN. I realized so much could of happened just by one little change. EVERYTHING was SOOO perfect just because we were friends. But after everything that's happened, its kinda weird now. I know we're not gonna be like this forever, so i'm waiting for the day when everything changes again.

MAY:
18-21 practice
22&23 POP SHOW
27 banquet
31 Blackout 101 concert <3

<3;
Gizelle

songwriting?

I was just reminded that i havent written a song in FOREVER. Maybe cus days have been less and less inspirational lately, and i have nothing to say or let out. But one day i'll write one again ;].
So today was ehhh. Pretty lame, i just wanted Monday to be over with already. I had a really good dream though, they always make me happy. I didnt like the heat though, summer's coming, i can feel it. Next year, i'm going out WAY more than i did this year. I stayed home a lot, cus i didnt really wanna do anything. Sophomore year is just eh, whatevers.

& i just thought of something right now, so i'm gonna go. BYE !

<3;
Gizelle

random

So today started out HORRIBLE. I mean beyond horrible. You have no freaking idea AT ALL. So i went to my cousin's house to escape from everything and have a little fun. From then on, my day got better and better. I'm okay right now, but i have a feeling things are gonna get bad again. Whatevers, lets hope not.

Pacquiao fightt today ! He friggin KILLED Hatton :]. But I was really worried when i saw him on the ground though, but i'm glad when he got up and started walking. One of THEEE best fights ever ! Knocked him out in the 2nd round. My house was so loud cus everyone was screaming and stuff, typical filipino Pacquiao fight right? Great stuff, dont you wish you were Filipino :].

Anywaaays, i love that i have the best friends ever. I love how i have finally met people that i'm comfortable talking to about anything. I love how whenever i just feel like venting out to someone, they dont try giving me lame advice, they just listen. I love how they always ask if i'm okay, and they know when i'm really not. I just love them :]. Let's just skip to the point, bad friends have been replaced by GREAT friends, if you know what i mean.

& btw, I FREAKING LOVE YOU.

<3;
Gizelle

happy may!

So i havent blogged in a while cus i really have nothing to talk about. This week has been pretty much about the same thing everyday. Same thoughts, same actions, same crazy heartbeats i've been having lately [haha.]. This week, i've only been thinking about the future. I kinda started working on my plan, but it doesnt seem like its going anywhere. But luckily, i have a lot of back up plans :].

So, i've been obsessing over someone lately:
goshGIZELLE (10:55:57 PM): OHMAHGAH
goshGIZELLE (10:56:03 PM): I WANNA MARRY HIM

hehehe. You have no freaking IDEA how i've been lately. Never been like this, yaknow?

Kinda makes me wanna cry everytime i hear him cus its just so... SWEET. And then i started to realize what i wanna do.
AHH, i'm like asdfjkl;. TAKE ME PLACES! I need to meet new people.

LOL, people already know i'm freaking crazy over him :D.

<3;
Gizelle

good life.

I'm lucky. I dont really have any problems right now, no reason to be anything but happy. I'm living the simple life, the only way i want it. But i need someone to bring more excitement in my life. Will you be that person?

"Life comes at you fast, so enjoy what you've got and keep what you have."

<3;
Gizelle

ups&downs

So for the past couple of nights, i've had really bad nightmares. Like two of the worst ones i've had my whole life. I woke up sobbing both times. It's not fun loosing people, yaknow? I've seriously been thinking really hard about life after high school. What the heck am I gonna do? Only two people know what i wanna do, as a hobby at the moment, or maybe as a life long career, but who knows what's gonna happen. I'm just stuck right now. I need more opportunities! I need to meet new people, so help me! So for now, we'll put this on pause. It's not like i'll give up on it, my heart and mind has been wanting it my whole life.

Anywaaaays, today was nice. The weather was cold, my favorite. I was on the phone with someone, who just happens to be the sweetest person EVER. & who happens to be able to SING too, my favorite ! We'll see what happens. hahaha.

I'm planning on saving up money for a new ipod. So if we go out somewhere, remind me not to buy anything unless it's really necessary. & i wanna buy a whole bunch of other stuff too, I think it's time to get a job. BUUUUUT, im too young, unless your family owns a business or something, and you wanna help me out ;D.

Well, i think i'm gonna go catch up on homework. My grades are slipping again. 34 more days of school left.

Oh life.

<3;

Gizelle

lonely

My parents left to the casino today. My mom was offered a chance to compete in a blackjack tournament, so they might as well go. But it sucks cus i'm stuck at home either by myself or with my brother. & to make it even worse, im not allowed to go out. WTFREAK! Anyways, the weather was nice today:]. Seriously though, it was like burning on monday, and tomorrow its going to be like 65. OHkaaaay.

So i made a twitter today, FOLLOW ME!

twitter.com/gizelleramos

Before my parents left, my mom gave me her credit card. She said i could buy stuff online:] yayy. First thing im gonna buy: a CAPO. I've been needing one since forever! & i wanna take guitar lessons this summer. Someone take them with me? THIS SUMMER, i'm determined to work hard this time. Gonna stick with what i wanna do. I'm pretty excited for everything! If i'm given a chance, i'm gonna take it. I'm not gonna make the same mistake as i did last time.

I realized how DIFFERENT things are now. I know at first i was all depressed about it, but its just whatevers now. It just wasnt supposed to happen i guess. But oh well, maybe in exchange for a bad thing, i get a good thing! Something i've wanted all my life but never admitted it. No one knows what i'm talking about, cus i dont like saying it.

<3;

Gizelle

short&simple

I'm just gonna write a quick blog before i sleep. So today, the weather didnt piss me off as much as yesterday, so improvement. The end of lunch was pretty good, if yaknow what i mean ;]. Didn't go to first period cus i was too tired to get up this morning, but now i have to make up work. Stuck to my new routine, except for be in bed by 10 thing, only cus my brother's friend came over and they were super loud and annyoing. Walked my dog around the block for 45 minutes. She got lazy so i had to carry her halfway through. My parents are leaving tomorrow for two days, and the lightbulb in my room went out. I seriously hope they fix it before they leave or else i'm not sleeping in there. If you didnt know, i'm horribly afraid of the dark. Well dont really know what else to talk about, cus im just rushing this, soooo... GOODNIGHT AND GOODBYE! :D

<3;
Gizelle

hot hot heat

Did i mention how much i hate the heat? Well, now you know. But today was alright, excluding the weather. We started testing today, ehhh. Its gonna be a LONG weeeeeek. Lidia told me to make a twitter, but im too lazy right now, hahah, sorry.

So aaaanyways, Gene and I wrote a song today, it actually sounded pretty good :]. We're planning on doing more.

Yeah so like i said before, I decided that I have some major changing to do. Its really weird how one person you dont even really know can make such a big impact on you. Oh well, i guess it's a good thing. & now i know what i wanna do in life, or at least for now. I'm not gonna make it my whole life, but just a hobby, and if it does take me somewhere, then hooray! But i'm gonna need a lot of support and encouragment, & i have people that i know will be there. So wish me luck!

I think i needa start changing my routine on schooldays.

This is what im gonna do now:

-do homework once i get home

-be more active [helping around the house, exercise, etc.]

-computer/guitar

-be in bed by 10

This is cus I feel like im on the computer too much when i can be doing something more productive. & plus, i need more sleep, my skin and mood are suffering cus of it.

<3;

Gizelle

frustrating

So i completely just messed up my blogspot, so i just had to delete the last two blogs -_-, failure.

April 19, 2009:
Watched youtube all day, mostly Albert Posis songs and covers. He's such a cutie! :]. I finally realized what i wanted to do with my life. I know its gonna take a lot of work, but i hope it'll all be worth it.

April 20, 2009:
I decided that I'm gonna do a lot of changing this year. I'm gonna start look at things more positive, and I'm gonna start working harder in everything i do.

Short post cus i've tried to fix my blog for about an hour and a half, and i ended up deleting blogs. Not in the mood to type up everything right now, so i'll explain in later blogs.

<3;
Gizelle

wedding day

Today was my cousin's wedding and i am so worn out! Got about 2 and a half hours of sleep and i had to wake up right away at 5 cus my aunt called they thaid they were gonna be at my house within 10 minutes. You know how hard it is to get ready when you're still half asleep? well yeah. So then we go to my cousin's house where they're doing hair and makeup and stuff. It took the guy 45 minutes to do my hair cus my hair's really thick. Then got makeup done. I hate makeup! We got airbrushed and stuff though, it tickled! But really, there's only so much makeup a face can handle! We were running pretty late, like it was already 9 and the bride hadn't gotten anything done yet, especially cus the wedding was at 10, plus time driving there. So we go to the church and all the bridesmaids and flower girls stay in the room waiting for her. Then she comes and then we start. I had the hardest time putting on the chord, trust me. So embarrassing! & my cousins said that my partner looked like AJ Rafael...? Yeah, i didnt think so. Then we go to the reception, and by then i can't even walk cus i'm not used to walking in heels. We took about a bajillion pictures -_-. I'm too lazy to write anymore, and i'm about to fall asleep any second, soooo... i'm gonna go now. BUHBYYEEE!

Took lots of pictures, but I'm not going to post any on here. hehehe.

<3;
Gizelle

reminiscing

I remember when I'd spend most of my day outside under the big tree with my grandparents. I remember spending hours in the shed outside looking through old stuff. I remember going through my grandma's old clothes playing dress up. I remember being the youngest one in the house, so i got the most attention. I remember sitting next to my grandma while she was sewing dresses for me. I remember listening to her whistle while she sewed. I remember when i didn't have a computer, but it didnt matter anyways cus i was always outside. I remember the flower printed wallpaper in my old room. I remember when the weather was always perfect. I remember when my cousins would come over and all that matter was playing. I remember when my mom and I used to spend a long time putting pictures in the album. I remember being busy, being in things afterschool. I remember when my brother was nice. I remember when I'd write stories everyday. I remember when I'd be outside, and just start singing a song i made up. I remember when my grandma would sing me to sleep when my mom was at work. I remember when my grandpa would walk me to school every morning, and when i'd want to try to walk alone, he'd watch me until i got to school to make sure i was safe. I remember when i used to be one of the people with the best grades. I remember going on the monkey bars and getting blisters. I remember when you just wore whatever you wanted and no one would care. I remember my swing in the backyard. I remember using the drivethru car washes. I remember walking to Winchell's every Saturday morning with my grandparents. I remember eating pan de sal with coffee a lot at night, maybe that's why I'm so short. I remember wanting to clean and wash dishes to make my parents happy. i remember those small pools that I'd spend most of a summer's day in. I remember getting a really bad tan afterwards. I remember the red carpet throughout the house. I remember when Malagant was young and had long ears. I remember the mirror in the hallway. I remember the waterbed my uncle had, and when he visited the Philippines, we would all hang out in his room. I remember when the grass was always green, and the roses were always colorful. I remember when the bills weren't so hard to pay. I remember coming home from school and watching ZOOM on PBS. I remember when I would draw 24/7. I remember when i'd play with the magnets on the refrigerator while my mom cooked. I remember those days when they were sellling ice cream at school, and everyone would buy one for 30cents. I remember taking walks around the neighborhood. I remember not wanting anything to change. But man, how things have changed. I wish things would just go back to being so simple. I miss everything. Life now sucks.

<3;
Gizelle

nightmare

I had the most horrific dream last night. I woke up crying. Who knew that one little person could mean so much to me. It sucks. I can't stop thinking about it. What if this never happened? Would i take our friendship for granted? Cus right now, I'm wishing that it was still here. But sometimes i think that I'm just wasted my time talking to you. I felt like i was just a rebound friend, that you go to me when you had no one else. & then there were times when you'd do stuff to make me feel like I am special [as corny as that sounds]. So i dont know. Pick one, you're messing with my head. Maybe one day, things will go back to normal like how they used to be. & everything we talked about will actually happen. But for now, i gotta just forget about everything, cus the way things look right now, we dont have a future. [btw, if you think i'm talking about one person throughout my blogs, im not.]

Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I think I'm at the edge of a cliff and the only way off is to jump. I swear I can smell the sweet ocean, feel the burst of air tussling my hair, feel the grass and dirt blowing beneath my bare feet, hear the waves crashing on the rocks below and I hope that when I jump, I'll hit them straight on and everything will end without an ounce of pain. And I know that on the way down, I'll still feel that breeze, still smell the sweet ocean, and I'll be perfectly content and exactly where I always imagined I'd be. And for three seconds of my life, nothing will matter except the fact i actually decided to jump.



<3;
Gizelle

holy crap face.

So, I just found something out, and im prettttty pissed. Text me if you're down to hang out with me on Thursday. Freaking asdfjkl;. -_-. ahhh!
AAANYYYWAAAAYS, today i realized how less stressful life is since i stopped talking to "it". "It" has been such a burden to have, and after we stopped talking, it's like a weight lifted off my shoulders. It's kinda nice.
I'm still really pissed right now cus of that thing i just found out! UGH, how could you do that to me AGAIN? Am I just not important anymore? Whatever duude, ill find a replacement, a much better one than you ever were. So if one day you realize that i stopped talking/hanging out with you, you'll know exactly why. SCREW YOU BIZNATCH.
& seriously, find your own fxcking friends, no one likes you, so GO THE HELL AWAY.

Goodnight to everyone else :]

<3;
Gizelle

quick

This has been the longest i've gone without blogging. But like, there's no point in blogging when there's nothing going on. The past couple of days have been kinda boring. Just a lot of family time. My cousin's wedding is on Saturday. That was really fast, i remember when we just got the invitation like two months ago. Well whatevers. I really have nothing to say. I'm just really tired, and i think im starting to get sick. That's not very good.

I'm too lazy to put up a picture today.

<3;
Gizelle

rawr

Today was pretty good. I liked the weather :]. Fifth and lunch were pretty fun too! If yaknow what I mean ;D. Spring break! woohoo! but then testing, rawrrr. Let's enjoy this week then, yes? LALALALA. I'm so bored. I dont really have anything to sayy. Give me ideas to type :D... but for now, i'm gonna go.

Today was a good day, need more like these.


LOLOLOLOL! insiderrrrr

<3;
Gizelle

...speechless

I dont know what to say. Seeing you like that makes me all asdfjkl;. & then it makes me realize that you might actually care. But you know me, it's hard for me to confront people. So hopefully you're reading this, so i have less explaining to do tomorrow. I have so much to say, but i just cant find the right words. So thanks for being such a great kuya, even after i've been such a brat. I dont ask for you to be perfect, just the fact that you care is all that matters. I wanna shoot myself for being so beetchy. and thanks for the balloons.





<3;
Gizelle

vent

I'm so sick of people thinking they can just joke around with me about something serious. It's like they think i have no emotions, or really that they dont care about my emotions. I mean go ahead and joke around, but when im serious about something, you dont pull that crap on me. I dont care if you do it or not, just the fact that you even brought up the idea and taunt me with it makes me pissed. Do you think its funny to piss me off SO much? Do you think its funny to make me really pissed, so pissed that i'm about to burst out in tears? Its not easy to make me do that, so the fact that someone im SOO close to would bring me even close to doing so makes me rethink even being friends. You think im joking around? Really, when i say something, i mean it, and if it comes down to hurting someone, physically or emotionally, i will. Seriously guys, when i say i HATE someone, i really do HATE them.

I've been so tolerant lately, and its seriously time that i stop being so nice. I've been told im too nice, and that im gonna get hurt one day. I finally understand what they mean. So im done taking crap from everyone. The next time you pull this stupid crap on me, its over. I dont care how many people hate me afterwards. I'm here to protect myself, not anyone else.

hehe ;D YOU KNOW IT!

thats basically all i do in class

<3;

Gizelle

realization

I'm starting to learn to not take things for granted. Sure, i'd like perfect friends, who won't screw you over, and a perfect family, who'll do anything and everything to make sure you're doing okay. But hey, I dont live in a fantasy world, and everything has its flaws. The best you can do is accept it and move on, no matter how tough that is. You just gotta take what you've got and work with it. You can't keep wasting your time living in the past, or else you won't have room for the future, no matter how much it scares me. Life is gonna throw crap at you, no doubt about it and no way to stop it, but constant complaining and regret won't get you anywhere. Let's all just be carefree, yes?

random thought:
-what am i gonna do for popshow/sing-a-thon? [suggestions!]


^ the scary thing is that this didnt seem that long ago

<3;
Gizelle

hello monday

Today was... boring? I dont know a better word to describe it. Mondays suck! But it was latestart today, so i didnt have to get up as early. I went to school at like 8:15 cus i needed to print out my project, otherwise i wouldve stayed home until like 8:30. But its alright, dont have that to worry about anymore. Spring break is next week. Let's go out and do stuff! I dont wanna be stuck at home all week -_-. Lets spend TIME, not MONEY. hehehe :]. My eye has been bugging me all day. My left eye is really itchy and like, iono, after i blink, it gets fuzzy D:. I've never had a problem with my eyes before. Hopefully its just temporary. It was really hot today. Summer's coming fast, yuck. I mean i love the break from school, but i hate the heat.

I never really noticed how mean i am when im tired. So if I've been cranky lately, SORRY. I get kinda snappy.

AAANNYWWAAAAYS, have i ever mentioned how annoying freshmen are? Ugh. & i was talking to other upperclassmen and i asked them if we were ever that annoying when we were freshmen, and they were like HECK NO. Sheesh, i mean some are bearable, but others, i feel like punching! & i know for a fact that i'm not the only one who thinks that way. I'm not saying that im perfect, but seriously, cant you tell when nobody likes you because of how you act? FORREALS DUUDE! ARRGGG. whatevers

hahah i guess im done for now. lol.




^say hello to daddy and big sister!

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Gizelle

positiv-er

These last two days have actually better than i thought they were going to be. On Friday, I didnt go to class cus we went to Fullerton College for competition. BUMMER that they didnt place cus the other groups were ehh. Me and Hannah decided to add more to our handshake, the one that was made 3 years ago :]. I was planning on going home afterwards so i can start on my project, but i ended up going to TJ and Kristin's house. We watched Amusement, freaking scary crappp. They thought it would be fun to scare me with TJ's clown mask. Crap duuude, my heart was poundingggggg. Then showed EJ, Mervin, and Derek videos. Freaking HILARIOUS reactions xD. I went home around 11 and fell asleep around 1am.

Then today, I woke up at 5am to take a shower. I was literally shivering when i got up cus it was COLD. Then went to 7-11 to get a drink and saw Ana and Louis. Got to school around 6:20ish. I was trying to nap, but they kept playing with the clown mask -_-. Then we started loading the bus and stuff. Left and they were on first. we went to go get snacks and then wne to go watch the show for a bit. The yeah. Xtreme and Burbank boys are ;D. hehehe. Yeah so, im tired now. I only got like 4 hours of sleep, and i fell asleep on the ride back. Now im at home, and yeah. bored as usual.

LIDIA DELEON is my BFFIC :D

We took pictures, but i dont have them yet. I'll post them up eventually.

<3;
Gizelle

plans

Oh stress. School sucks. I've been failing everything. So this weekend's gonna be pretty busy. Infusion and Vocal Tap have a competition tomorrow, ALL FREAKING DAY. & guess who's going. But honestly, i dont wanna. Usually im excited and stuff, but its just like, bleh. I dont wanna make up all the work and stuff, im doing bad as it is. Then Saturday, Infusion has another competition. Going again, but no Cassie this time! Do you think i can do it? I really hope so. I dont know how long this one's gonna be. Depending on what time i get home, i'm gonna finally start on the stupid Night sketchbook journal thing. It's due tomorrow, but since im not gonna be there tomorrow, i get an extra weekend to work on it. & then on Sunday, gotta do the dress stuff again, then go home and finish the project. This weekend is gonna suck. Whateverwhatever.

Yeah so i had a really deep talk with one of my really good friends yesterday. He definately made me feel so much better. IDK. Things are still a little iffy, but it's getting better. Right now, i can't wait for sophomore year to be over. I dont care if it leads me closer to graduation, this year sucks. One of the worsts, if not THEE worst.

Oh, and btw, dont ever tell me what's right or wrong. I think im old enough to make my own decisions, and if they're wrong, then it's my fault. I dont need someone watching my back all the time, especially a stupid freshman.



^ If only making wishes were that easy.


<3;
Gizelle

ahh.

You LIE. You dont really care about what's going on with me. You only say that kinda stuff cus you think you have to. Who knew YOU out of all people would be like this to me? I thought we were good friends. Appearantly not, since you seem to never give a crap about me. You only care when I'm not treating you the same. & why am I not treating you the same? Cus you changed. Forget about me saying I changed, cus no one else thinks so. I remember when we'd have so much to talk about, when we'd stay up until 3am and never run out of things to say. Now we can barely keep a conversation going. idk. When did this all start going downhill? UGH. & appearantly im THAT easy to replace. So im happy for you. If you're happier without me, then alright. But i will never regret spending all that time with you.
So what am i gonna do without you? I think i can manage, we'll see.

NOTE TO SELF: Dont believe things if they sound too good to be true.

*btw, happy birthday brother.


^ I'm rereading them for the third time. Never fails to cheer me up.

<3;
Gizelle

change.

Change. In some cases, it can be a great thing. But for me, its just another obsticle. I HATE it. It's so hard for me to deal with. It takes me forever to get used to one thing, and to have to give that up and have another thing come along just mixes up my brain. It takes away all my stability, and im left falling, not knowing what to do next.

I hate how things aren't the same anymore. It seems like the time apart erased all the good things we ever had. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I changed. So whats gonna happen now? Am i gonna be stuck standing here not knowing whats gonna happen between us? I mean it takes two to patch a friendship, and i dont wanna have to work on it alone. If you're not gonna be putting in the effort, then why try?

& then i realized that putting in the extra effort is worth it. We might not be at our strongest right now, but we'll get through it. We already planned so much for the future, why not stick with it. I remember promises we made, secrets that were told, and having all those dissappear would be a waste. Things will get better, just wait. But for now, hold my hand and we'll ride this rollercoaster called life.

BTW, happy birthday Jackie :]!

^Thats cute :]

<3;
Gizelle

roses

Yesterday, I somehow got to talking to Mervin about senior roses. If you dont know what that is, its during banquet at the end of the year. Each senior gets two roses, and can give them to whoever they want. Talk about EMOTIONAL. Ahh, yeah so, its pretty nice hearing about what everyone's been through together. Then i started thinking about who I'd give my roses to. I already have one thats forsure, and i already told her :]. I want to be a senior already, but then again i dont. I'm not ready to grow up and to take on the responsibilities. Being a senior means that I'm gonna have my lasts, like last Holiday Follies, Pop show, banquet, competition, and all that fun stuff. I'm not ready to let that go yet. Aw man, this year went by wayyy too fast. Dont get me wrong, im SUPER excited for next year, like beyond belief, but then again the sooner this year is over, the sooner it is to graduation and leaving.

This year wasn't all too great, actually, it was pretty horrible. But things happen for a reason right? The best you can do it drop it and move on. Next year's gonna be a change for me. I needa start changing my attitude and the way i look at stuff. I needa start choosing my friends more wisely, cus i was stupid before.

Aaaanyways, school's been really repetative. Same thing every day. I need some adventure! I have a spanish oral tomorrow. I'm gonna fail, like i probably did today.

Btw, I think its time to rekindle old flames that have gone out. At least for some people anyways.

Yeah so im bored now, and i cant think of anything else to type.


^Cus when you're a sixth grader, nothing really matters.

<3;
Gizelle

sunday

Nothing really happened this weekend. Today i woke up and got ready for church. After church, i went to my cousin's house and just hung out and stuff. It was fun i guess :]. Hmm, dont really have anything to talk about today, so if you want me to say anything, just tell me what i should write about.

Yeah so im done for now.

^ Yep, we're cool.

<3;

Gizelle

television

Today is a stay at home day, except for this morning. Parents woke me up at like 7:30 to get up to get a stupid dress. Ahh. Me plus lack of sleep equals cranky. I kinda feel bad about my behavior. Darn.

Anyways, I'm staying home to do homework today. So far, did nothing. Haha fail! Well, its not like im doing anything tomorrow either. Hmm, I'm bored, and i have nothing to talk about.

I watched a lot of movies today. Disney Channel was playing Hercules, Aladdin, and Mulan, and im always down for an old classic, so might as well. Then i watched Twilight for the billionth time. Then i watched Kids Choice Awards 2 and a half times. LOL. I just needed to see boyfriend ;D. haha so cuuuuuute! So i watched a lot of tv today. Thats rare, cus I dont really watch tv that much anymore.

Well today was a good day, I stayed happy the whole day, so nothing to complain about. Except for the fact that i have a spanish test on monday and i have no idea what im doing. Oh, and i have an english project to work on, but let's not think about that until tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, im going to the mall with my mom to get her dress and our shoes. Weddings are hectic!

Umm, yeah, so i have nothing else to talk about. Okay, byyeee! :]

^ i want those :]

<3;

Gizelle

short

I hate my brother. I know he buys me stuff, but it doesnt give him an excuse to act like an ass. I mean I'd so much rather have him buy me nothing and be nice than have him buy me stuff and be a total jerk. Ugh. He needs to move out already. Life would be so much more peaceful without him. asdfjkl;
ANYWAYS, the lists were posted today. Before she printed them, she called me into her office and asked me what my 2 choices were. & then she was like "you were one of the people who I was gonna let choose what choir they wanted." So that made me happy :]. So next year, im gonna be in Infusion and Charisma! Woohooo! So maybe i didnt do too bad at auditions then...? Hehe, im happy :]. Next year's gonna be super fuuuun!
So today was pretty good, except for the fact that my brother was here.

i dont have a picture to put today.

<3;
Gizelle

healing

Today was definitely better. Yesterday i cried, a lot. Sometimes you hold everything in, and it builds up, yaknow? That's what happened to me yesterday. But i think maybe things are starting to go back to the way things were. With an exception of a person, but i don't need them anymore. Am I annoyed with anyone? Yes, but who needs them anyways? Its not like they exist to me anymore.
Anyways, I'm stuck at home because my parents wont let me go out. I was supposed to go out with people, but my mom is being mean and wont let me. -_- GAH. Its not like I'm going out anywhere this weekend, I'm gonna be stuck home doing homework and stupid project crap.
There is seriously something wrong with me. Its not normal to be this... emotional? idk. whatever. Let's just hope everything gets better so you don't have to deal with my bipolarness anymore.
Yeah so Mervin told me he might have pneumonia. Ahhh. How scary D: But its alright, he's gonna be okay, I know it :].
I've been thinking about colleges lately, and I have no idea what im gonna do. I have like nothing planned. It's kinda scary considering how fast this year went by. I cant believe im going to be graduating in 2 years D:. I needa get my crap straight.

"As we grow up, we learn that the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break some too. You'll fight with your best friend, or maybe even fall in love with them and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest. Tell someone what they mean to you. Speak out, dance in the pouring rain, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, and stay up late watching the stars, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Dont be afraid to take chances or fall in love. And most of all, live in the moment because every sixty seconds you spend angry or upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."



I miss the beach.

<3;
Gizelle

FAILURE.

I did so bad today. You have no idea how beat up I am for not doing better. Freaking ayyyy. I guess Enchantment will be fun too? RAWRRawrrawr. bleh. I remember when choir used to be so easy to be in. Now i fail at everything. I fail at life. I'm just gonna hope for the best, and if it doesnt happen, ill just get over it and move on. *sigh, I guess you can't have everything? At least i still get to be head tech.

So anyways, i didnt go to first period today. I slept in cus i was really tired. But there wasn't that much work to be done i think. Whatever. School is so boring. Its nothing exciting anymore, especially when nothing goes on with you, and all the fun things happen to the people around you. Idk. I want to move. I just want a new start. I know all i have to do is wait two more years, then college, but like, it's high school. Arent you supposed to enjoy it? ughh.

Today wasnt a good day. Compared to yesterday, today was in a dumpster.


^Back in 7th grade.

<3;
Gizelle

tryout day.

Today was totally fuuuun! Now I remember why I like choir so much, it just makes me forget about everything else thats going on. I was nervous, but i wasn't as nervous as i usually am. I think I'm starting to get used to this kinda stuff :]. Oh yeah, & I totally proved that one girl wrong, SUCCESS! Me and joy seriously need to go punch people's faces soon ;D.

Anyways, after tryouts i went with Kristin and Aaron to Starbucks then Mcdonalds. I've been craving Starbucks for like 3 months! hahah heck yeah! lol

I really dont get tomorrow. How do call backs work? haha I feel so stupid :]

& I love how Mervin yelled "GO FAVORITE ADING!" LOL

All in all, today was a good day.

^FAVORITE!

Gizelle

nervousness

Today I felt a lot better, until i saw someone. It's so hard to see you around, and even say anything. Bleh. Whatever.

Choir tryouts tomorrow. Freaking crap, I'm so scared. Just gotta stay positive right? Wish me luck.

OMG. I'm gonna be a JUNIOR next year. Dang, looking at old pictures brings back so many memories. Ahh. So so so sad. I dont really feel like typing tonight, so i think im done.



FRESHMAN YEAR.



SOPHOMORE YEAR.

<3;
Gizelle

mental vacation

This weekend was... refreshing. It might not have been in the top 10, but it made me forget about a lot of things. It was nice to have a good day for once, cus haven't had one in a while. I guess family is really there for you when you need it. I totally and completely forgot about everything I've been so bummed about lately.
So let's see, Friday was pretty lame. Completely hated it. People are so stupid. I seriously have nothing to prove anymore. I stayed up until 11ish waiting for my cousins. They got here and we watched twilight until like 1am and then we all fell asleep. On Saturday, went to go dress shopping for my cousins wedding. It's not like the usual ones where we all have the same dresses, we each have to get one for ourselves, which is pretty cool cus i get to choose what i want. After that, we all went to my other cousins house to just hang out for a while and then went to the mall. Ate In-N-Out afterwards, then got yogurt. Went home and finished Twilight at my house. All the guys fell asleep around 1ish. Me and my favorite cousin stayed up until 4:30 watching youtube videos and webcaming and stuff. Funny stufff. Then today, we went to church, then ate at Pinoy Pinay (freaking filipino, right?). haha. Then we went to my cousin's house again and my and my fav cousin took a billion pictures. So fuun. So yeah, my weekend sounds boring when i try to explain it, but it was actually pretty great. :]
Anyways, choir auditions in 2 days. I think i'm going to do it. I'm nervous though. Eeep.
Did I ever mention how annoying people are? Yeah, i think so. Freaking crap maaaaan. UGH, makes me just wanna take their face and shove it into a wall. hehe, im so nice, i know. Yeah so if you want me in your life, you'll find a way to put me in there. I'm done trying. If it ends like this, then so be it. No matter how hard everything is, I do believe that things happen for a reason, and all of this is just a lesson to be learned. "Now I sit all alone wishing all my feelings were gone" <--- i hate feeling like that, btw. Ugh. whatever, I'm done for today.

<3;
Gizelle

headed downward

Things have just been heading straight down... FAST. Like Melody said, the sooner you hit rock bottom, the sooner you can start building things up. UGH. Don't make me question our relationship. If we're good friends, treat me like it, cus lately a lot of people have been turning their back on me. Idk. I just need someone to make me laugh, that's all i really need right now. I need someone who'll make a promise to me, and keep it. I need someone who'll spend time with me just cus. I need someone who'll talk to me, and wont care if I dont answer. I need someone who won't talk about the same thing over and over. I need someone who doesn't have or cause a lot of problems. All i really need is someone to be a good friend for once.

I'm sick and tired of people always treating me like crap. I'm not a doll, you can't play with me for one second, and throw me on the ground the next. Bleh. Whatever. I'm done.


^ They're staying at my house this weekend. Favorite cousins <3

<3;
Gizelle

FML.

UGH. Why dont people have common sense anymore? Forget friends, they always screw you over. But it really hits me hard when they're supposed to be really close. I've lost so much repect and trust for so many people already. Whatever man. Everything sucks. I give up on everything. I always try so hard to make everything work right, but why put the effort in anymore? Screw you. My life sucks.

& I'm really sorry for being stupid. But you probably don't care about me anymore.


^But i have a pretty cool kuya.

<3;
Gizelle

first.

hey xstatik (6:47:06 PM): you should make a blog too
^ that should explain the reason why i'm here

Well, first blog on here. Don't really know what to talk about. So let's see, today was the last day of the CAHSEE. Pretty easy stuff, but i dont wanna be too overconfident. The weather suddenly changed from cool to warm really fast. I hate the heat. 9 more months until winter, too bad i have to suffer through summer first. Oh yipeee.

Anywaysss, is it just me, or does it seem like everyone's been either really annoying, or really mean lately? Maybe its just me. Whatever. Choir auditions next week. scared. Scared. SCARED. Speaking of choir, we watched Twilight today in Enchantment :]. My favoriiiiite! Sup cuuties ;]. I found it funny how Mrs. Hunter took her whole class to the choir room cus she wanted to watch it. hahah awesome teacher! And if you talk crap about Twilight, then screw you :P. hehe.

I really needa start trying harder in school. I've only been doing enough to get by, and that's not very satisfying. boohoo! only 3 more months left of school! aww, bye bye seniors, and among those is my daddy! Gotta make the best of the time left right? Rawr, i can't believe im gonna be a junior next year! I remember when i was scared to go to 7th grade! FUHREAKK, time is speeding by too fast, with no stopping along the way. I'm scared to grow up. eeep, how depressing!

well i guess im done for noww.

ps. Taylor Lautner is the cutest most adorable thing on this planet! hehe



<3;
Gizelle